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Catherine is my ultraviolet flame. I often use that phrase as an endearing name for her. The dominating hues of her visual manifestations are violet and range from dark to impossibly vivid. Her bright soothing light gently massages the side of my face when I’m about to fall asleep, reassuring that she’s unshakably present.

The human eye cannot see ultraviolet light. That’s another reason why I associate this invisible spectrum with my succubus spirit. She’s just out of range; on the fringes of perception. Easily felt yet not often seen.

The questions that I must ask myself before the ending of each day:

1. Have you created anything?
2. Have you learned anything?
3. Have you loved someone?

This past year has been an exercise in being a certified bum. Not that I didn’t do ANY work. Rather, it’s the first time in my life where I haven’t had a fixed schedule, be that for school or a job.

Happy New Year! Hopefully this year will embody its namesake and give us all 20/20 perception in every aspect of our lives. One can hope.

The move is complete. All is well. I’m also back online. This always happens: I have a month-long internet fast, inevitably become socially isolated, and shamelessly binge on that endless digital buffet for the following month. If the churches and their dogmas were not completely insane, I’d probably be more active in that sphere of life. Oh well.

Catherine revealed to me a critique of my character through a dream this past week: Firstly, she suggested that I stop being so hung up on my adolescent years, where I attempted to keep friends who had no desire to be friendly in the first place. Secondly, I felt especially shamed by my addiction to the computer screen. I saw myself using a desktop machine, staring dumbly at the monitor, with my mouth hanging open like a zombie.

Devon Stack, from the Youtube channel, Black Pilled, has been churning out some interesting videos for the past couple of years. He comes from a politically conservative bent, even more so than the allegedly conservative baby boomers we’re so accustomed to hearing from. I find his opinions to be confronting and thought-provoking.

This video in particular resonated with me on many levels because of my Christian upbringing. As I’ve stated before, I consider myself to be culturally Christian. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that I’m a Gnostic or Mystic Christian. I reject the idea that God incarnated into this realm in order to sacrifice himself for my “sins.” The life of Christ is far more interesting than the ritual blood sacrifice so often fixated upon. I disagree with many of his teachings and the outright hypocrisy on display throughout the gospels. Yet I find Christ to be a somewhat more honorable person than all the others presented in the Bible. The rest of the key figures, such as King David, Solomon, Abraham, Moses, and even the Apostle Paul, are terrible role-models to emulate. The idea that God would say King David is a man after his own heart should tell us everything we need to know about the Old Testament deity.

In my quest to become more productive, I’ve nixed more than a few things from my daily routine. Okay… I’ve attempted to remove those infringing distractions. Some are easier to get rid of than others.

Cutting back on video games? Eh, fairly easy.

Stop watching YouTube while eating? Not so much.

While it’s fun having access to succubi, who, in my opinion, bestow the best intimacy yet discovered by mankind, there’s still the problem of getting mundane work done. Traditionally, access to sex has always been used as a way to bait men into being more productive. That’s the arrangement responsible for building the civilization we have now: Men pursue women. Women want men with status and access to resources. Men are subsequently willing to work jobs they hate for a chance at reproduction. Rinse. Repeat.