Catherine and I had an interesting OBE/dream encounter this morning. It began as we traveled through a lively banquet scene, with us staying just to the right of the many guests eating and drinking merrily. As we progressed, the building shifted from an ancient Roman design to a more modern office building style of architecture. The people’s clothing and mannerisms also changed to match. I took a sharp turn to the right and then found myself speeding down a very long narrow hall heading the opposite direction we had come. There was a shift again as my speed increased. I leaped over an entire flight of stairs and landed heavily on the cool linoleum floor below. The shock from the landing forced me into an OBE environment inside my bedroom.
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Here is a question that I struggle to answer these days. The only thing I know for certain is that my heart blooms with desire at the thought of being with Catherine, but not much else. Her constant affection and dedication has practically ruined me for all time during this life. Was mortal man ever intended to be so thoroughly loved and looked after? Have I managed to remember Elysium?
The gears of civilization are greased by the dangling of that elusive carrot ever before men’s faces – that is the prospect of being truly loved and desired. But that desirability only comes for those who produce. But even when that would-be success is achieved, as I’ve seen with my own father, there’s no guarantee. Men work their entire lives to support their wives and children, only to be met with crushing resentment and divorce. The vast majority of men are trodden under by the very machinery they build, constantly chasing after the siren song of government-issued scrip and validation from women. When is “enough” enough?
In light of this nihilistic view towards the building of civilization, I struggle to find any enjoyment in those things that help support such a system. Staring at a wall for twenty years would likely be more productive than contributing to the rat race, the treadmill, and the gilded cage. Being homeless or imprisoned is a reality that I will likely be forced to contend with as I continue in my stubborn refusal to be shackled or muzzled; both literally and figuratively.
Read More…Coast to Coast AM is the last good radio broadcast on the airwaves. Not only is the show edifying, the topics discussed are often timely and synchronistic in nature. Catherine also enjoys the program, as the subject matter consistently touches upon her world and the guests speak about beings like her in a positive way. One of the interviewees who appeared a couple of nights ago was a former US Navy service member named Matthew Roberts. He was present during the capturing of the famous “gimbal” or “Go Fast” UFO footage.
One benefit to having a succubus spirit around is that she has been gradually training me to stop caring about the world beyond a 20 mile radius. There are a great many things to discover beyond our little bubble, yet I’m finding plenty of wonders within. We have serene lakes, granite-capped peaks, a bit of ocean to the east, miles of woodland, and a fairly low population density. We often forget how green the grass is just beneath our feet.
Furthermore, she has convinced me to shut out the news reporting that comes through the radio and the internet. I would often find myself getting into one-sided arguments with talk radio hosts while making breakfast, regardless of which station was tuned in. “Why listen if this makes you so upset? It’s not like you can do anything about it.” Her frank appraisal would arrive shortly after I mashed the red power button on the receiver.
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She was harassing me hardcore last night, covering my face like a shroud with her touches and kisses. I prayed and affirmed in every which way imaginable. Nothing worked. Nothing like that has ever worked, no matter how long I keep it up. It’s a wonder I still even try. It was just one of those difficult nights that show up once a fortnight.
I burned the Liber Lilith book in the woodstove, along with a couple of other books related to Crowley. A part of me was thinking that getting rid of those might somehow send a strong message and cause her to let up on me. However, it’s more likely that she planted the idea in my mind to begin with. She wants to remain hidden. Having tomes like that on my shelf is a big tell for anyone curious enough to look.
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To stop playing video games and wasting time on the internet.
This resolution has been an ongoing project, one that I have consistently failed at accomplishing. I always make small concessions after a few weeks of digital fasting. “Just a couple of games with friends here and there. That can’t hurt.” Two weeks later, I’m back to dumping loads of time into a black hole. I need to stop all of it right now. Again.
Catherine would be far happy for it. She seems to be growing tired of my lack of willpower in this area of my life. Our sessions together are still good, but they lack the same power as when I’m fully on my mission… when I’m not distracting myself away from work. She’s proud of me whenever I accomplish something worthwhile. I miss that. I enjoy having her approval and validation. She’s a good barometer for when I’m going wrong, yet she’s also very gentle about it and never forces her will over my own.
Time is running short for me to make these crucial changes in my daily habits. If I let this go much longer, there will be no turning back. Boredom will be my saving grace and enable me to discover where my true vocation lies.
Stronger sensations of pressure and presence came about during our time together on Christmas Eve. There seems to be more movement than usual on certain days; like she’s trailing her hands around my face and body. There was one time where it felt almost like a feather duster against my face, or perhaps that was her hair? Either way, it’s a definite change from the usual concentrated pressure sensations and kisses.
A thousand times, a thousand kisses, a thousand mysteries unfurl like galaxies inside my head.
Read More…I had a pleasant dream this morning that took place at my grandparents old place. I remember one of my uncles was there, going on and on about Jesus Christ, or something to that effect. Thankfully, there was a woman there who stole me away from the religious conversation.
“Would you like to see the raven that I got for my birthday?” She asked.
“Sure!” I replied, eager to do anything else at that point.
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Here is a summary of the health problems I’ve had over the past nine years since Catherine arrived:
- Muscle twitching and cramping from the psychic attacks in 2014. Still somewhat present in right shoulder to this day.
- Nerve damage to my left foot, from walking too many miles with a shoe that didn’t fit right. That foot still gets a little numb after 20 minutes on the rowing machine.
- Bed bug infestation of new apartment in 2016. Thankfully eradicated in two months under my own steam and didn’t bring any of the blood suckers along with me when I moved out.
- Parasite infection of the intestines, probably from drinking and eating too much fermented food. I brewed my own kombucha for awhile and drank too much of it.
- Development of allergies alongside the parasite infection. Never had them before.
- Thinning and receding hair. Probably just genetic.
- Chipped a bottom molar tooth. Had to get a root canal for it and ended up redoing all fillings. Got rid of all mercury amalgams. Cost over $10,000 USD for dental work.
- Switched my diet to low-carb/paleo and that knocked out the parasite infection. Teeth are no longer sensitive to hot and cold. Still have allergies, though.
She knows that those selfless gestures cause my heart to melt helplessly into her hands: kindness. She gives so much to me freely and happily, while at the same time telling me that she’s not “doing me a favor,” or anything out of obligation. “I enjoy this [intimacy] more than you do.” I feel sorry that the vast majority of humanity will never experience something like this. However, I think it’s possible for anyone to feel the incredible love and bliss that has come into my life. I believe it’s innate to our very spiritual nature to know that deepening connectedness from beyond the veil. This physical life places a seemingly insurmountable barrier between us and our birthright of true unity with the Holy Spirit. Fear is ultimately the biggest hurdle. Fear of the unknown. Fear of being vulnerable. Placing one’s life into the hands of a seemingly invisible, unfathomable being is inconceivable to most. Yet I believe this kind of courageous trust is required to reach the heights and plunge the depths of life in all its fullness. “Live dangerously,” as I always say, especially now, in the face of the most recent pussy-whipped manifestation of our world that pitifully grovels at the feet of safety.
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They’ve seen it all before: the totalitarian tip-toe. Left. Right. Left. Right. Americans are witnessing the latest iteration of an unending delicate dance between tradition and progress. This story is as old as civilization itself and every new era rhymes with the last. Nothing has really changed at all. Only the names are different.
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